Wednesday, September 21, 2005

A Few Pune centric definitions

Recently -I happened to read this Headline in the Marathi newspaper Sakal.
It translates as follows:
ROAD:something that exists between potholes.
This coupled with my experiences with Pune's roads this monsoon,made me think about a few more definitions,or rather modifications of existing definitions,as they apply to Pune city.Though these defintions apply to Pune, they can be derated according to the road conditions in other cities to be
applicable there.

1)ROAD:Something that exists between adjacent potholes.
Appendix : The minimum distance between potholes required to complete the definition varies from area to area.e.g:in the Cantonment area it may be as far as 20 metres,while on Ganeshkhind road it is about 5 -10 cm.
note:In areas like Ghorpadi(if you knew that it existed in Pune),the concept of road does not exist.
2)CONCENTRATION:A quality required by pedestrians,and vehicle drivers,that enables them to reach home in one piece.
3)SURVIVOR:A person who has a high amount of concentration.
4)ACCIDENT:Something that happens to potential survivors,when they are concentrating so much on surviving,that they bang into
a) A Pole,or a divider
b) A Pedestrian
c) A Cyclist
Case a) can also be taken as the definition for Pole-dancing as one of my friends tells me.
5)MOONSCAPE:A clear view of the moons surface(Craters et al),earlier visible only through the telescope,and pictures,but due to the untiring efforts of the PMC(and road contractors),a very precise simulation of it is now accesible to the general public in Pune.
6)UPA:Hithertho known as the United Progressive Alliance,in Pune it is known as the United Pothole Alliance.As conspiracy theorists might tell you,it is an association formed by road contractors,politicians,orthopaedic surgeons,accident hospitals,and vehicle spare part manufacturing companies(genuine and fake).